First Came Love...

This weekend I took a much-needed trip upstate, to the mountains, and in the process somehow ended up in the front row of a budding romance between two good friends. I know you've been there - potentially great, potentially awkward, right? What am I gonna do.

Complicating matters a little, one of them is a Muslim and the other one is a Mormon. At least, they were born into those clothes. Their respective lives as urban professionals, have sort of softened the edges I think. Still, cause for some 'splainin.

Summertime in the Catskills. Barbecues and trips to Woodstock. But for me, one of the highlights of the weekend happened on the porch - an all-out discussion of polygamy. Both of my friends had relatives in the not so distant past with plural marriages or multiple wives. And I wondered aloud how long it would be before we saw polygamy was having its moment of cultural acceptance.

I mean, why not? It's a heck of a lot more scriptural than gay marriage, and most of the objections to gay marriage seem to be based in scripture. The polygamous marriages among the jewish patriarchs - Abraham, Moses and David - seem to do OK, and polygamy is not illegal in Israel. Though I don't know a ton about the history among Christians, Wikipedia cheekily says that Martin Luther was a proponent.

Islam, of course, allows a man to take up to four wives, if he can provide for them materially and emotionally. Mormons officially only embraced polygamy between 1852 and 1890, but the practice lingers on, according to an article in the Salt Lake Tribune yesterday:

It only takes Sunday brunch to see this is a different kind of family. Four waffle makers work nonstop. Three dozen eggs are whipped and scrambled. Places are set for 25 — for “Gary,” his three wives and their 21 children....

Gary, 38, traces his polygamous heritage on one side in an unbroken chain back to Joseph Smith’s era. All of his wives grew up in plural families — and loved it.

“We were never alone or lonely,” said Valerie, who has 40 full and half siblings. “I didn’t even understand what that meant.”

They attended public schools, were doted on by their multiple mothers and grew up with the freedom to decide whether to embrace plural marriage.

Gary is the only one of his 18 siblings to do so. In Kaye’s family, three of 31 children entered plural marriages. About half of Vicki and Valerie’s siblings are in polygamous relationships.

As teenagers, they all dated in and outside their culture. Gary was 18 when he realized “I wasn’t going to be fulfilled [in monogamy]. There was more for me, not in terms of women, but what I wanted out of life.”

Gary even switched his college major from history to business, a more lucrative career for someone with plans for a big family.

The women describe a similar path to plural marriage, one that came after a “bunch of fun” dating but also serious reflection and prayer.

The tone the writer takes is easy and earnest. Oh, the joys and tribulations! They're just like us, except for the $1000 dollar grocery bill and a footlong "honey-do" list!

It reminds me of a piece that Time just ran about the accelerated pace of the acceptance of homosexuality - how the gay rights movement has covered ground faster because of the racial struggles of the Civil rights movement. There's a template in place. Friendly images in the media, and appeal to American equality. Wonder if polygamy will cover this ground?